SELF IMPROVEMENT -2

I. Why You Are Not Getting What You Want

Have you gone on countless personal development courses, read plenty of books, watched the videos and your life is still not showing the improvements your had hoped for? You are not alone.

After a workshop or after reading a great book you probably feel energised, uplifted and inspired, but in the face of the daily stress these emotional highs tend not to last long. Back to your daily routine, the boss is still an inconsiderate self oppressed individual, your kids are a challenge and your spouse is stressed and overwhelmed with work problems.

These are the realities we all face. I too spent years on courses, reading books in search of a tool that would work. It took me years to figure out that my problems had very little to do with what was going on around me. I did not realise just to what extend I was simply feeding off the energies of other people when I was attending personal development courses. Yes, I would come away a reformed person full of great ideas of how I would change my life around.

All these good intentions lasted until the moment I encountered a challenge. I went through a period in my life where I had nothing but challenges. My marriage fell apart, my beloved father died and I lost heaps in commodity trading. Not a pretty picture.

People would tell me to relax and chill out. Whenever I heard that advice I was ready to pounce. There was a lot of unresolved anger inside me. This anger prevented me from seeing how I was making things harder on myself than they needed to be, thus fuelling my frustration, stress and sense of overwhelm as my life simply was not going the way I had planned.

Through regular meditation and EFT and the study of the workings of the mind I came to realise that relaxation is the key. When you relax your mind goes into an alpha state. The slower brain waves allow you to observe what you are thinking and how your thoughts, based on your beliefs, have consequences.

Once you become aware how you produce thoughts that are counter productive to the outcomes you desire you will eventually stop them. You cannot carry on behaving in ways that are producing negative results. It is against your nature. Alas, you first need to be aware of how you produce these thoughts. Self awareness gives you power. It gives you power over yourself and thus over your life.

You can learn to relax and maintain an alpha state of mind for longer and longer periods. When you learn to stand back and learn to witness yourself from the outside, your brain waves slow down. You become more aware of your thinking. Self awareness gives you choices and that is why it is so important that you develop the skill of expanding your cognitive awareness.

In an alpha state you will notice how you do common stress behaviours, like procrastination, or lack problem solving abilities by focusing incorrectly without realising it. Use energy techniques, like Micro EFT and EFT and learn how your mind is made up of different personalities. Play with these techniques regularly and you will notice how you get more and more often what you want in your life

II.How Can You Feel Sexy When You're All Stressed Out?

Sure, I know, there's work, and working out, and eating right, and the economy, and relationship struggles, and, and, and, ... and then if you have kids, there's even more. What a balancing act! Sometimes it's a wonder we have any energy left for sex at all. To make sure it doesn't get that way for you, learn to become better at managing your stress. Here are some tips:

1. Turn off your phone. The likelihood that there's going to be an emergency in the next hour is miniscule. If you can't hear it ringing, you'll be less likely to get involved in something that this is not the right time for.

2. Cut down the amount of caffeine in your life. If you're really brave, do away with it all together.

3. Relaxed breathing is full and deep. Stressed out breathing is short and shallow. Practice slowing your breathing and letting it fall all the way below your belly button, down to your genitals. There, doesn't that feel good? If smokers get to take smoke breaks, the rest of us are due "breathing breaks."

4. Use the Rule of Fifteen: Get up fifteen minutes earlier in the morning. The inevitable morning mishaps will be less irritating, and you'll get a good start to your day. Allow fifteen minutes of extra time to get to appointments. You'll feel in control and everyone else will be impressed with your efficiency.

5. Don't try to rely on your memory. Get a planner and write everything down. This will help you get organized, always a good prevention method for fighting stress.

6. Eliminate destructive self-talk such as "I'm too fat..." or "I'm too old..." Either argue with these nonsensical thoughts or get help from a therapist to eradicate them from your life. No one ever improved from being criticized to death.

7. Allow time everyday for yourself, for privacy, quiet, and introspection. If the only time for this is in the car, take full advantage of it. Even if it's only five minutes, if it's full and present and in the moment, your life will be enriched.

8. Stretch periodically during the day. When you're at your job, especially if you sit for long periods of time, get up and walk once an hour. Stretch out your neck, your shoulders, and feel how good it is to be in your body.

9. Talk it out. Discussing your situation with a trusted friend or with your lover can help clear your mind of confusion so you can concentrate on real problem solving.

10. Learn to live one day at a time. If you live fully in the present moment, you'll find there's very little that needs to be changed.